Flashes of Existance

Life happens so fast.

I often forget about where I have been.

Forget about all the things i've experienced and endured.

I forget the originality and the strength and instead try to create it new.

What a waste of experience.

We must play on

"I find a chair and light a cigarette and i take a long deep drag and i look at the men sitting around me. They are  black and white and yellow and brown. They have long hair, short hair, beards and mustaches. They are well dressed and they wear rags, they are fat and they are thin.  They are hard, weathered, worn-out and desperate.  Intimidating and thuggish, addicted and insane.  They are all different and they are all the same and as i sit here smoking my cigarette, they scare the living shit out of me."

James Frey

"You had a user dream."

"What's a user dream?"

"When alcoholics stop drinking and using drugs, their subconcscious minds still crave them. The craving is sometimes manifested in dreams that can seem startingly real and, in a sense, are real. Although you didn't use, some part of your mind did.  You'll probably continue to have them for as long as a year."

"That'll be fun."

Aesthetic

Step one: collect all things of necessity from said 3rd story

Step two: coffee, lots of it.

Step three: close off the world

Steph four: its all up to you

CGI dreaming

SO... 

I have been having the most insane dreams lately. Usually, dreams consist of only a few scenes of a possible story where the scenes don't really coincide. They just, kind of exist together. Out of order. Like the movie Inception, (which was brilliant by the way) "Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange." 
My dreams seem like complete story lines when i wake up. I admit some parts are strange but when you look at the previous days events, they make some sense.  That is, if you want to follow Sigmund Freud's description, which depicts the belief that nothing you do occurs by chance; Everything you do, every action, every thought while awake, is motivated by your unconscious at some level, which in turn are released in your dreams. Freud even suggests that bad dreams let the brain learn to gain control over emotions resulting from distressing experiences.
Then again you can fall on Calvin Hall's studies. He collected more than 50,000 dream reports and came to the conclusion that we all dream about, pretty much the same things.  

In fact, the most common emotions experienced in dreams is anxiety, NO SHIT!

That is kinda where the edges blur for me between the two theories. Yeah, we all pretty much dream about the same things, right, anxiety. Where does the anxiety come from? It doesn't come from counting sheep and dreaming of them as you doze off. It's real life stress. Our dreams are a way to interpret them and in some ways control the circumstances or the outcomes.


Recently, I have also been able to control my actions in dreams. I have even been able to change some of the settings of the dreams and peoples reactions. This is called Lucid Dreaming, so I'm told. "Lucid dreaming is the conscious perception of one's state while dreaming."  
I wonder if lucid dreaming is a result of a persons level of control in "real life." Compared to DAMT (dreams of absent minded transgression), do lucid dreamers have MORE control?. I wonder which way it works though. If you have less control in "real life," does that give you more control over your subconscious in dream state? being completely out of control awake make you the master of your subconscious? that can't be... or is it the balance between the two worlds, the two mind states. 

And where do the two states meet?
the real world vs. the dream world

Now that is a whole other subject...
(could that be a.. to be continued?....)

If only i could take a video recorder into my dreams with me... 

I've been thinking about taking a computer animation class down at BU. Make characters for movies, commercials, maybe make a video game or something.. Then maybe i could have an outlet for all these insane unconscious adventures. 

feedback anyone?
comment below home skillet.

"Such Is Life" -Vishvendra

     I guess I have been extremely short lately. For some reason everything just seems to be getting on my nerves. I can't really explain why. Sometimes I think it's because I'm really homesick. Sometimes I think it's anxiety taking over, having to deal with real life; Paying bills, car problems, working full-time, wanting to go back to school.... yada yada yada.  It's hard to balance everything. I guess everyone feels this way though, and what I'm saying is nothing new to any of you. I guess it just feels better when you lay it out to see, so you have to look at it, stare at it, absorb it all, deal with it, and fucking get over it. Because after I wrote that, for some reason, I'm feeling a lot better about my life. Everyone must endure the entire spectrum of emotions and i just seem to be caught between a few shades, lost in tones. Either way it's hard and you gotta find ways to make it better.

This blog is for me to just lay everything on the table, like bringing home groceries and setting them on the kitchen counters.Write about the random things and put the milk away before it goes bad sitting out. Clear my head and share the contents with anyone who feels like reading them. I'm wondering what it will actually be about. Music. Movies. Coffee. TV shows. Art. Juice. Life. Boston Happenings. Friends. Family. Love. Chocolate (mmm chocolate). Weather. Everything.

Like right now, for instance, it is 13degreees outside (feels like 1* according to the weather channel) and I'm freezing my ass off. My roommate just walked down the stairs shivering and saying how awfully cold it is. You walk outside and the ground is covered with ice. There are piles of snow around me that are actually taller than me. I'm from San Diego, the most winter you will see is a bad rain storm and a few inches of rain. My body is going into climate shock moving across the country the way I have. My dad used to tell me about how living in San Diego, his body would kind of shut down, and he would be sad in the winter because the seasons hadn't really changed. I'm kinda feeling the opposite about things right now. 

Anyway, i guess it will all pour out here on these pages, like a Louisiana rain storm. But hopefully the subjects will be diverse and ever-changing like the mountain ranges of Arizona.

Peace Easy

Kick Me Out

"Yeah, id love to tell you all my problems... "

Gotta go buy a new mattress because the old one popped, yes popped.

And the next one has equal possibilities of such a bright future.

Even An End Has A Start

I don’t think that it’s gonna rain again today
There’s a devil at your side, but an angel on her way

Someone hit the light, ‘Cause there’s more here to be seen
When you caught my eye, I saw everywhere I’d been
And wanna go to

You came on you own
That’s how you’ll leave
With hope in your hands
And air to breathe

I won’t disappoint you, as you fall apart
Some things should be simple
Even an end has a start